You Are NOT Your Body.
My realization about the body during Ayahuasca.
It was the first time I sat in on a two day Ayahuasca ceremony. I was looking forward to the insights of day two and to the adventures that were waiting for me however I got something completely different. Instead, I was in pain both emotional and physical as my body began to communicate with me.
While the first half of my night was filled with insights about my spirit guides and purpose behind why I do what I do, there was a moment when the night took a turn. I had this realization that the body was like a horse. Some people call our bodies our vehicles but a vehicle to me sounds like something we could easily give a tune-up, an oil change and everything would be back to "normal." A horse, on the other hand, is something we have to build a relationship with and nurture among other things depending on how we want it to perform.
The messages continued to come in as I gradually learned to have a different appreciation as to why we should meditate. For years I've been aware of the importance of having a #meditation practice. Mostly to learn how to quiet the mind and to learn how to listen to the Universe/God for guidance. The appreciation came from the realization that meditation is a tool to bring to the recognition that our mind, body, and spirit are separate beings that must align in order to work as a team.
First came the emotional pain.
My body began to speak to me. It remembered all the times I had talked negatively about it. It recognized all the times I had criticized it. It even retained that time I had rejected it with thoughts of suicide or thoughts of "who am I to do ______ ?".
The tears started rolling down as I felt my body like a horse laying on my lap trembling in emotional pain. It felt as though my body was this horse that always wanted to make me happy and do anything I asked of it it did. From pushing myself while exercising, staying up late, digesting food that didn't sit well to finally saying, "I can do all of this and more, but you see, I have this hurt, this pain that sits in my being." I began to sob because I couldn't believe I would have treated anyone like this let alone my own body. I acknowledged all the pain it felt as though I were listening to a best friend.
Have you experienced someone going through this massive pain that all you want to do is experience the pain with them, so they don't have to feel ALL of it by themselves? That was me and my body. We shared the pain and cried together. You see, I realized that behind the physical body was this ball of light that was really running the show. This light is the true "I."
I began to caress my hip as I lay on my side while listening to the music in the background. Stroking it as you would a horse to let it know it's beautiful and loved. I asked it for forgiveness and promised to never, ever neglect it again, to never wish I didn't have it. I apologized for not being aware that it heard my every thought, intention, and felt my every action. We cried together and became one for a moment. By sunrise
we walked away as a team.
Second, came the physical pain.
A couple of hours had passed. For a moment I started to notice my etheric body in front of me with all of these electrical lights running through it. The next thought that came to me was that "they" were literally doing a software upgrade. I began to see electricity and energy combining, rewiring cords and electrical circuits. I was fascinated by the visual then came the pain.
Out of nowhere, I felt my jaw lock, followed by an intense tingly fire sensation running through my head and chest. I began to massage my face as I felt fluids run through my body especially throughout my face. The sensation felt so unbearable, I rolled into a ball, and I eventually fell asleep. I'm not sure how long I was asleep for but when I woke up the room was dark, and I was drenched in sweat. I was relieved the physical pain occurring had subsided.
The body communicates with US.
Usually, people purge during an Ayahuasca ceremony. They say it's a way for the body to get rid of any traumas, old habits, and beliefs out of the body. My form of purging is crying and blowing my nose, a lot! I usually cry and cry and cry some more. I found myself having to use the restroom, I gathered myself and began to walk over. As soon as the door was closed behind me, my body led me directly to the sink to throw up (I didn't see that one coming). I noticed the salad I had at lunch which was bizarre because it had to have been maybe 4 am or so. The salad I had at lunch should have been fully digested by then.
It was then when I heard a voice that said, "you need to chew more." I looked down at my food and remembered I had been in such a rush to finish my salad that I did not take the time to chew it. My body communicated through this symbolic moment that the body itself has a difficult time digesting food if it is not properly chewed. From that moment on I realize the value of taking my time while enjoying a meal or even a snack.
How foolish was I to think my body didn't hear me?
I guess this is why I'm sharing this experience with you. Through this experience I've learned to work with my body to feed it correctly, to get it moving enough, to honor what it wants to eat and not force something it doesn't need. My body asked me to move more, to laugh more, to whistle, to have more "alegria", which is happiness in Spanish.
What is your body asking of you? Is there something you're not listening to? Is there something it wants more of? Perhaps more snuggles or a warm morning tea, nourishing foods?
Listen and honor it, it hears you.
With love + light,